The Unbearable Smugness of Being

God Hates vegans because He made animals for us to eat. Well, atheists hate vegans more, because they like to eat meat, and they have no authority to appeal to on this matter. If you’re an atheist vegan, thank God if you’re not gay too.

Vegans at the Melbourne "Walk against War...

[In response to general criticism of vegan atheists, by other atheists]

God Shmod is not one to criticize people’s way of life. He has spent enough time in the jungle to understand the concept of, “if you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you,” as well as the often ignored (by sloganists, anyway) concept of, “bother them when they bother you.”

As a result, God Shmod has no problem with how people live, whether it be gay, straight, lesbian (sorry, wrong meeting). Whether it be vegan, omnivore, carnivore, or vagitarian (sic. Very sic), as long as it’s not harmful to society. Hell, you can even keep your primitive beliefs in God, as long as you cheat, cherry pick the good stuff and be a wonderful person as a result. He doesn’t care.

“Oh, you’re a Christian and you agree with evolution? Wow, it must take some kind of Jedi mind trick to make that work. Maybe there is a God after all.” Well, good, you are adapting your faith to fit reality, not the other way round. Sure, it’s not how the sheep herders intended it, but, since it’s all made up anyway, I’m not going to complain because you changed it. What the fuck do I care what the bible actually says? I care about your beliefs, not your book.

I understand why people hate vegans. They are quite smug about their lifestyle, and think they are better than other people for it. It’s possibly why so many people refuse to join them and their ways (that, and because people like meat).

Fucking VeganVegans are even more smug than atheists, who are another bunch of people who often think they are better than others because of their beliefs (which is probably why many people don’t much care for the atheist message).

Can you imagine the level of smugness when vegan atheists gather? It’s almost a combination of all the smug in the world. All you need is to add jazz fans. “Vegan Atheist Jazz Fans”. It must be righteously unbearable! Personally, it might make me convert to Christianity, or any religion without dietary laws (I’d prefer Scientology, but I’m too fucking broke. My congregation doesn’t send donations. Bastards! Send me your money. I’m a God! A FUCKING GOD!!! ).

Really, though, when you become judgemental, you run the risk of exposing yourself as a hypocrite. And there is nothing worse than a judgemental atheist. It’s like you’ve kept everything I hate about religion, and just removed your belief in God. That’s cool. Sure, you’re as much of an atheist as me, because atheism is simply a lack of belief, but I still don’t like you. So fuck off.

The other side of the coin, of course, is the eternal question of a spotted mind. Can smugness be described as a lifestyle? If not, is it then acceptable to judge smugness? Mmm… Why, maybe you have a point. Still, God Shmod believes that the only real judgement that should be allowed is one of integrity. How close is a person to living according to what he claims to be, stand for, and believe? The gap between that is open to judgement. Everything else is basically off limits. Except maybe ethics…

All this falls apart a bit when it comes to judging behaviour that could be considered morally wrong. Why is it okay for me to judge your murdering somebody, but it’s not okay for you to judge my premarital sex and gambling habit, when we both base that on our subjective (even if you think it’s objective) moral views?

Also, how the fuck do I decide which ethical disagreements I won’t judge, in the spirit of tolerance, and which I refuse to overlook? God Shmod is a very tortured God. There is so much life to understand, and science doesn’t have the answers. Or, rather, some things science will never be able to answer. Science is great, but the really important aspects of living your life falls outside the realm of science (which is why religion is still so powerful, despite the fact that on the scientific front, it’s obviously losing a little).

In a future episode, I will cover the moral conundrum I experience when I judge people for being judgemental. How the fuck can I do that? I’m running dangerously close to being a hypocrite, in which case I will probably kill myself. I’ll smother myself in the cloud that I exist of.

If I happen to survive, I’ll write a few articles in an attempt to answer some of these questions. Let’s just hope this intoxication doesn’t wear off first. – CR

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