Shocking documents and footage released today prove what many have long suspected: several members of the LDS Church’s Quorum of the 12 Apostles are actually non-avian dinosaurs disguised as human beings.
Although many leading scientists have theorized for years that non-avian dinosaurs went extinct following the Chicxulub asteroid impact at the Cretaceous-Palogene boundary, recent documentary footage suggests that survivors are in fact living lives as Mormon Apostles in the 21st Century.
While this revelation may come as a shock to many ‘True-Believing Mormons’ (TBMS) – noted ExMormons on the internet have suspected it for years.
“I’ve known it for years,” said one noted ExMormon in an interview. “It’s obvious to many of us that several members of the LDS Church’s ‘so-called’ Apostle Quorums are really non-avian dinosaurs who have only disguised themselves as human beings.” He continued, “Its logical really. Why else would they be so interested in squashing discussions about evolution and science.”
Many other notable former Mormons agreed. “Our journey out of the church began with a sense of dissatisfaction that grew when we realized for ourselves that the LDS Church is run by secret dinosaur men. It was a hard thing for many of us. It was actually physically painful to find out that this is true. Really.”
He also added that he would like his tithing back.
Noted bird-enthusiast and so-called ‘president’ of the quorum of the 12 apostles, Boyd Kenneth Packer, has long been suspected by many of being a dinosaur.
“I totally believe that Packer is a dinosaur,” said one person who requested to remain anonymous. “That dude is like, 6 feet tall. Why else would he be so interested in birds?
“Freaking dinosaurs, man.”
Due to the on-going nature of this investigation, we are currently unable to document any of the claims we’ve made with anything even closely resembling real sources – but trust us: we promise that we have no reason to lie, no biases to prove, and we would never, ever want you to be as miserable in self-deception as we are.
Article sourced from truthaboutmormonz.
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